3x22

Nate: Jenny's on her way out. She just crashed.
Chuck: Save it. I know nothing untoward happened. It was clear by the sound of you snoring at 2 AM and New Moon on the Pay-Per-View bill.

Dan: Blair, say life is giving you signs. And you're ignoring them because you're afraid of the thing the signs are telling you to do.
Blair: Signs are for the religious, the superstitious and the lower class. I don't believe in them and neither should you.

Dorota: Miss Blair, I defriend Mr. Chuck in Facebook and in life. But this is pretty romantic thing he's doing.

Serena: I just want to make sure we're still on the same page.
Dan: Absolutely. I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with Nate or my relationship with Vanessa just as much as you don't want to jeopardize your relationship with Nate or your friendship with Vanessa — are you friends with Vanessa?

Serena: I'm actually excited to have an entire summer with nothing to do but figure things out.
Blair: Um, first of all, S, you didn't go to school this year and you haven't had a real job in months, so life is kind of like summer for you.

Blair: Although I'm inclined to say Gossip Girl didn't know what she was talking about, since she also posted a blurry photo of a mail order bride and said it was Georgina, that really did look like you and Humphrey. Isn't that a little '08, like maxi dresses and Miley Cyrus?

Blair: Nothing! Except a second date with Cameron this afternoon and staying as far as possible from the Empire State Building.
Cyrus: What does the Empire State Building have to do with anything?
Blair: An Affair To Remember was on TLC last night. It gave me nightmares.
Dorota: Blair loves the Empire State Building even though she doesn't want to and she should just admit it and make all our life easier.
Blair: Miss Blair loves nothing except for shoes, clothes, and anything Harry Winston.

Blair: Someone has to give you the smackdown you so richly deserve. That it's me who gets to do it is just the cherry on top.
Jenny: Bring it on. I knew when I sent the blast there'd be fallout.
Blair: When are you going to get it? For three years you've tried to worm your way into our world but you will never be a part of it no matter what you do. This isn't copycat dressing at Constance or dumping dairy on your best friend to prove a point. Nate and Serena? That's mythic. You don't mess with that and survive. You're hurting people I love. You're hurting people you love.
Jenny: I wasn't trying to—
Blair: Nate loves Serena. Dan loves Vanessa, God knows why, and Chuck loves me. But you, Jenny? No one loves you. Except your daddy. And after what you pulled yesterday who knows if that's even true anymore

3x20

Jenny: You know, I've never heard that hot chocolate story.
Serena: There are a lot of stories you haven't heard.
Jenny: True. But I did hear this one. My ex-boyfriend went to boarding school with Serena. He tells a great one about her and a teacher at a bed and breakfast. Although I'm sure they were just studying. Like she said, she was all about the academics.

Rufus: Serena, please. I think it's great you're moving back in but this is Jenny's room now. You can stay in Chuck's old room.
Serena: No way. That room is haunted by Chuck's depravity. Jenny can take it. I'm sure it wouldn't bother you

Columbia Girl 1: Blair Waldorf just got a text.
Columbia Girl 2: It's like watching Lady Gaga set fire to a piano

Columbia Girl 1: I told you. It doesn't matter if she transfers. Blair Waldorf was over the minute she transferred to NYU.
Blair: Are you third personing me? I third person people. Not you.
Columbia Girl 2: Exactly. You're Blair Waldorf. Fashion icon. And probably the future president of the United States. Or Chanel.

Columbia Junkie: Jenny Humphrey, you bitch. You told me you were selling me oxy but those pills were antibiotics. I didn't get high. I got a yeast infection.

Blair: You and I both know what this is. You've lost Bart, Elizabeth betrayed you, and the thought of losing Lily terrifies you.
Chuck: Please. Spare me your NYU freshman psych analysis. Perhaps if you were at an Ivy you'd have better insight.

3x19

Blair: Actually I have a friend who goes to Columbia. Though I don't think he attends that many classes...

Blair: It's a lot easier to sneak up on someone when you're not eight months pregnant. And they're not standing in front of a full-length mirror.

Blair: You twisted, manipulative psychopath. How could you?
Chuck: You'll have to be a tad more specific. It's been a busy few days.

Jenny: Oh God, waffles.
Nate: You don't like waffles?
Jenny: It's not that. It's just I'm a Humphrey, so syrup is a food group.

Dorota: But Miss Blair not yet grieve properly... to rush back into dating...
Blair: ... Will show everyone that Chuck Bass has no hold over me. Dorota, you really need to stop buying your prenatal vitamins over the Internet

Jenny: So what's step 2?
Chuck: Get him drunk, take advantage of him. Do women just not get this?
Jenny: Chuck, he's not going to go drinking with me. He made me call my dad when I slept over.
Chuck: Be here. 6:00 sharp. And look like someone who doesn't even have a father.

Blair: Chuck is a part of me. It just hurts so much.
Dorota: In Poland we have a saying: love is like head wound. It make you dizzy. You think you die. But you recover, usually.
Blair: That's a terrible saying.

3x18

Nate: I'm here to see the invalid.
Eleanor: And not a moment too soon. She hasn't left her room for days. It's like living with Howard Hughes.

Blair: Their is no punishment for what he did.
Nate: You're Blair Waldorf. Punishment is your middle name

Eleanor : If you're not going to dance at least make yourself useful. These Russians drink more than Larry Hagman on his first liver. Bartender needs more ice.
Dan: You do know I'm not working this party, right?
Eleanor: Mm hmm.

Chuck (to Nate): You and Serena have it easy. Until now your biggest concern was whose hair is shinier.

Serena: I should have told you about Carter. I bumped into him on the street and told him we could have coffee. That's it.
Nate: That's not how he made it seem.
Serena: You know how he is. He convinced his fourth grade class at Dalton that Barneys was named after the dinosaur. He's a liar.

Chuck: Looks like we might win.
Blair: Well, you can have the doll. I'm sure you'll know what to do with five women with removable heads

Blair: Everything you said last night was true. We do belong together. If you think about it, we're incredibly fortunate to have even found each other.
Chuck: Blair, I don't want this to be some sort of consolation prize.
Blair: We've both hit rock bottom, Chuck, but we've hit it together. At least we won't be lonely in hell.

3x17

Blair: I'd rather spend the night with the Marquis de Sade. And yes, I know he's dead.

Dorota: What are you doing here? I will be killed if someone find me here.
Vanya: Why would somebody kill you? Antiroyalists from Russia?

Blair: Serena, come here. You've done some unforgivable things, like having sex with Nate when we were saving ourselves for each other or killing Pete Fairman.
Serena: What?
Blair: How far is too far?

Jack: Champagne OK?
Blair: I prefer something stronger to kill the germs

Jack: Chuck opened his heart to you. And now his future lies in your hands. Well, not your hands, exactly.

3x16

Blair: There's nothing quite like waking up the day of a fashion show. The smell of fresh pleats wafting through the city.

Rufus: As hard as it is for me to admit, there are some things in life more important than waffles.

Eleanor: Mr. Conwell can put my line in over five thousand retail locations.
Blair: Isn't that where Bristol Palin shops?

Dorota: Baby beat Dorota's stomach like Lars from Metallica.

Jenny: I'm not gonna let you risk ruining the entire show.
Agnes: What are you going to do? Waltz up to Eleanor and tell her your drug dealer dumped your virgin ass and now the rest of her models are high off his stash?

Dorota: Miss Blair, you have no friends. Even NYU minions very second rate.

Jack: Evening, Nate, Serena. This is Jessica and Bethany. Were you hoping to catch me in a compromising position? Little high school, don't you think? Leave the plotting to the experts. Bethany, what were you saying about sustainable energy?

3x15

Dan: You know, Dad, I think every girl goes through a forbidden guy phase. Explains why vampires are so popular.
Rufus: Well, if he were a vampire I could slip garlic in her waffles. Not that she'd eat them.

Jenny (to Rufus): You just jumped to conclusions like you always do, Dad. You know, it's no wonder that your marriage is going down the toilet.

Nate: Serena may not get it, but losing her virginity is a huge deal for a girl like Jenny.
Serena: Oh, and it's not for me? Why's that, Nate, because I was a huge slut when I was Jenny's age?

Jack: I would have been here sooner but I got distracted reading the protesters' signs. I never realized how many sex puns you can make out of the name "Chuck Bass."

3x14

Vanessa: What's her name?
Dan: ...Melissa. Her name's Melissa. That's a good name.

Elizabeth Fisher: I know it's probably not the story you wanted to hear, but I wanted you to know the truth.
Chuck: And here I thought my father was the heartless one.

Rufus: How could you let this happen?
Lily: I didn't let anything happen.
Rufus: Jenny is not Serena. And contrary to popular belief children need boundaries